Water runs clear, water runs dry don't disappear into the tide make yourself clear, draw the divide before it's too late and you're wasting your time Been walking in the shadows of the ones who caught me red the ones who haunt my body and the ones who haunt my bed I keep on saying I'm sorry and I don't remember why I'm toxic now, don't touch me as the waves begin to rise and what do they mean when they tell you to heal I’m not even sure if I'm real don't want to become the shell I became don't let me forget how to say my own name And you know that I love you, yeah you know how I feel but I was made to be alone, so you must not be real let's talk about unworthy and talk about afraid and talk about unearthly and talk about ashamed It gets so hard to hold me when I keep folding in half and shrinking til there's nothing left of me to have Don't come disappear me now Water runs clear, water runs dry am I still here, have I survived

Come on lazy, off the couch sitting in that Sunday slouch I promise you can eat more ice cream later Come on baby, brush your teeth make yourself something to eat you're such a masterful procrastinator And you can spend your afternoons getting high on the blues you can black and white this world until you're wasted At best you're sad, at worst depressed trying to make something out of your loneliness climbing up that scrap heap and you wonder why you can't sleep It's the terrible horrible story I tell myself When the jury's out, the power's down and I'm by myself the only constant, I'm my own anchor when I'm lost at sea it gets louder and louder and louder and louder It's the terrible horrible story I tell myself Did you know I'm an impostor, did you look real close underneath I'm just a monster in her Sunday clothes and all these city streets won't forgive me now on this cold concrete, it's too late to turn around It's the terrible horrible story I tell myself And have I paid my debt in sadness yet will this be the death of me the punch I pack don't love me back but god damn how well it knows me when all roads lead you to alone there's nothing left to see do push and shove count as self love when you're trying not to draw blood Well I froze myself so cold I couldn't feel at all burrowing into this hole just to avoid the thaw and what if and what if and what if and what if what if I feel it can you feel it now Terrible horrible

I want you alive Cause I know if you go You'll go for the reasons That grip at my loved ones We're trying To build houses from rotten wood And we're not living we're coping, we're stumbling and feeling is strange, what's familiar is numbing And kindness always comes as a surprise Cause the ways we've been hurt split us off in directions That make us go headlong, ignore intersections We look through the cracks in the bodies of friends for some kind of truth Replaying our trauma as if we can't help it We've all seen the harm and we've come to expect it Who's going to teach us to cultivate care and make it bloom Do we fight or fly When neither's an option We're all on this island With families chosen By how We've found ways to survive It's hardly Intentional, really Communities flailing, can't deal with our feelings We're trying To build houses from what we can find Only time will tell Whether we fight or fly And if you hurt me am I still your keeper Isn't my abuser still one of my people I've tried but I can't keep the question at bay and it's haunting me To dream of escape is a waste of our time That's what makes so many of us want to die Who'll teach us forgiveness when we're so afraid of our own insides No one's here but us Whether we fight or fly You drove by my house last night I couldn't let you in I let you have my bed after our fight Stayed on the couch that night And lay awake trying to decide if I was right to doubt Whether or not your kindness Was something I could count on You wrote a letter, tried to bring it by But I said no My friend got caught up in your game I couldn't have her in my home I cast out everyone and everything that could tie me to you Except of course there was one tether I couldn't undo Honey you're a beehive Sweet and stinging I still remember the singing Love, love, love, love Love, love, love I had to tear myself away from the lakeside The days you gave me your good side Love, love, love, love Love, love, love You told me that you knew you Still had a knife in your back, you kept hurting every- one you touched You knew that much And how can I forgive you Now that you've swallowed The girl I loved more than anyone One one one One one one I don't want to see you I can't be near you But sometimes I wonder if you're ok Or if I did you harm The good in you was only Mine to borrow But we'll both wake up tomorrow That's what I want That's what I want

It's a normal day We're on a blanket in the park I have to say You're looking pretty talking smart Infatuation is my drug of choice The poison that I pick I want to stuff my face with your sweet self till I feel sick (I feel sick) Your arms are warm Your face is close Your lips are soft And I'm ok I'm feeling fine But maybe not and it's too late I froze the moment our lips locked I'll float away just in time to feel my heart Anesthetize Become a rock Saying nice try Time to backslide might not ever get unstuck it all fades out until I'm numb and I'm numb (x3) I keep my baggage tied in slip knots packed up tight but I let girls like you come in and pick locks overnight I hate the way I talk the talk but walk the walk of shame And I should know it Should know it always feels the same Slipping back into old habits In some kind of stone-faced panic might just cut to TV static Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh I can only have you for a moment before I get lost or frozen Maybe this is the closest we'll ever come Before it all wears off and I'm numb