I want you alive
Cause I know if you go
You'll go for the reasons
That grip at my loved ones
We're trying
To build houses from rotten wood

And we're not living
we're coping, we're stumbling
and feeling is strange, what's
familiar is numbing
And kindness
always comes as a surprise

Cause the ways we've been hurt split us off in directions
That make us go headlong, ignore intersections
We look through the cracks in the bodies of friends for some kind of truth
Replaying our trauma as if we can't help it
We've all seen the harm and we've come to expect it
Who's going to teach us to cultivate care and make it bloom

Do we fight or fly
When neither's an option
We're all on this island
With families chosen
By how
We've found ways to survive

It's hardly
Intentional, really
Communities flailing, can't deal with our feelings
We're trying
To build houses from what we can find

Only time will tell
Whether we fight or fly

And if you hurt me am I still your keeper
Isn't my abuser still one of my people
I've tried but I can't keep the question at bay and it's haunting me
To dream of escape is a waste of our time
That's what makes so many of us want to die
Who'll teach us forgiveness when we're so afraid of our own insides

No one's here but us
Whether we fight or fly

You drove by my house last night
I couldn't let you in
I let you have my bed after our fight
Stayed on the couch that night
And lay awake trying to decide if I was
right to doubt
Whether or not your kindness
Was something I could count on

You wrote a letter, tried to bring it by
But I said no
My friend got caught up in your game
I couldn't have her in my home
I cast out everyone and everything that could tie me to you
Except of course there was one tether I couldn't undo

Honey you're a beehive
Sweet and stinging
I still remember the singing
Love, love, love, love
Love, love, love

I had to tear myself away
from the lakeside
The days you
gave me your good side
Love, love, love, love
Love, love, love

You told me that you knew you
Still had a knife in
your back, you kept hurting every-
one you touched
You knew that much

And how can I forgive you
Now that you've swallowed
The girl I loved more than anyone
One one one
One one one

I don't want to see you
I can't be near you
But sometimes I wonder if you're ok
Or if I did you harm

The good in you was only
Mine to borrow
But we'll both wake up tomorrow
That's what I want
That's what I want