1. |
Disappear Me
05:45
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Water runs clear, water runs dry
don't disappear into the tide
make yourself clear, draw the divide
before it's too late and you're wasting your time
Been walking in the shadows of the ones who caught me red
the ones who haunt my body and the ones who haunt my bed
I keep on saying I'm sorry and I don't remember why
I'm toxic now, don't touch me as the waves begin to rise
and what do they mean when they tell you to heal
I’m not even sure if I'm real
don't want to become the shell I became
don't let me forget how to say my own name
And you know that I love you, yeah you know how I feel
but I was made to be alone, so you must not be real
let's talk about unworthy and talk about afraid
and talk about unearthly and talk about ashamed
It gets so hard to hold me when I keep folding in half
and shrinking til there's nothing left of me to have
Don't come disappear me now
Water runs clear, water runs dry
am I still here, have I survived
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2. |
Terrible Horrible Story
04:21
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Come on lazy, off the couch
sitting in that Sunday slouch
I promise you can eat more ice cream later
Come on baby, brush your teeth
make yourself something to eat
you're such a masterful procrastinator
And you can spend your afternoons
getting high on the blues
you can black and white this world until you're wasted
At best you're sad, at worst depressed
trying to make something out of your loneliness
climbing up that scrap heap
and you wonder why you can't sleep
It's the terrible horrible story I tell myself
When the jury's out, the power's down and I'm by myself
the only constant, I'm my own anchor
when I'm lost at sea it gets louder and louder and louder and louder
It's the terrible horrible story I tell myself
Did you know I'm an impostor, did you look real close
underneath I'm just a monster in her Sunday clothes
and all these city streets won't forgive me now
on this cold concrete, it's too late to turn around
It's the terrible horrible story I tell myself
And have I paid my debt in sadness yet
will this be the death of me
the punch I pack don't love me back
but god damn how well it knows me
when all roads lead you to alone
there's nothing left to see
do push and shove count as self love
when you're trying not to draw blood
Well I froze myself so cold I couldn't feel at all
burrowing into this hole just to avoid the thaw
and what if and what if and what if and what if
what if I feel it
can you feel it now
Terrible horrible
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3. |
Fight or Fly
07:34
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I want you alive
Cause I know if you go
You'll go for the reasons
That grip at my loved ones
We're trying
To build houses from rotten wood
And we're not living
we're coping, we're stumbling
and feeling is strange, what's
familiar is numbing
And kindness
always comes as a surprise
Cause the ways we've been hurt split us off in directions
That make us go headlong, ignore intersections
We look through the cracks in the bodies of friends for some kind of truth
Replaying our trauma as if we can't help it
We've all seen the harm and we've come to expect it
Who's going to teach us to cultivate care and make it bloom
Do we fight or fly
When neither's an option
We're all on this island
With families chosen
By how
We've found ways to survive
It's hardly
Intentional, really
Communities flailing, can't deal with our feelings
We're trying
To build houses from what we can find
Only time will tell
Whether we fight or fly
And if you hurt me am I still your keeper
Isn't my abuser still one of my people
I've tried but I can't keep the question at bay and it's haunting me
To dream of escape is a waste of our time
That's what makes so many of us want to die
Who'll teach us forgiveness when we're so afraid of our own insides
No one's here but us
Whether we fight or fly
You drove by my house last night
I couldn't let you in
I let you have my bed after our fight
Stayed on the couch that night
And lay awake trying to decide if I was
right to doubt
Whether or not your kindness
Was something I could count on
You wrote a letter, tried to bring it by
But I said no
My friend got caught up in your game
I couldn't have her in my home
I cast out everyone and everything that could tie me to you
Except of course there was one tether I couldn't undo
Honey you're a beehive
Sweet and stinging
I still remember the singing
Love, love, love, love
Love, love, love
I had to tear myself away
from the lakeside
The days you
gave me your good side
Love, love, love, love
Love, love, love
You told me that you knew you
Still had a knife in
your back, you kept hurting every-
one you touched
You knew that much
And how can I forgive you
Now that you've swallowed
The girl I loved more than anyone
One one one
One one one
I don't want to see you
I can't be near you
But sometimes I wonder if you're ok
Or if I did you harm
The good in you was only
Mine to borrow
But we'll both wake up tomorrow
That's what I want
That's what I want
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4. |
Numb
03:01
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It's a normal day
We're on a blanket in the park
I have to say
You're looking pretty talking smart
Infatuation is my drug of choice
The poison that I pick
I want to stuff my face with your sweet self
till I feel sick (I feel sick)
Your arms are warm
Your face is close
Your lips are soft
And I'm ok
I'm feeling fine
But maybe not
and it's too late
I froze the moment our lips locked
I'll float away
just in time to feel my heart
Anesthetize
Become a rock
Saying nice try
Time to backslide
might not ever
get unstuck
it all fades out until I'm numb
and I'm numb (x3)
I keep my baggage
tied in slip knots packed up tight
but I let girls like
you come in and pick locks overnight
I hate the way I
talk the talk but walk the walk of shame
And I should know it
Should know it always feels the same
Slipping back into old habits
In some kind of stone-faced panic
might just cut to TV static
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I can only have you for a moment
before I get lost or frozen
Maybe this is the closest we'll ever come
Before it all wears off and I'm numb
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5. |
Damage/Control
04:08
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lucky cat Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
"The band that would have played at the prom on Daria." Lucky Cat is Ana MeiLi, Melo, Charlene, and Audrey.
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